My study abroad experience turned out to be much
different than I thought it was going to be. I figured I would do exciting
touristy things and I would hangout with my American housemates all of the
time. I thought I would put all of my effort into my service site. I thought I
would leave glad to have had the experience, but ready to come back home. The
truth is, none of the above happened. So what did happen?
I formed a life there.
I made a family.
I went to St. Michael’s Church.
I went grocery shopping.
I sat in coffee shops to do
homework.
I went on daily walks along the
same route.
I laughed harder than I ever
have.
I met up with friends at night.
I had sleepovers.
I cried.
I felt loved.
I said the rosary.
I did the ordinary.
I formed a life there.
One of my best friends
I made in Cape Town used this quote in her last blog entry from studying
abroad, so I thought I would so the same: “Love (or
life, or travelling, or or or…) doesn’t mean doing extraordinary or heroic
things. It means knowing how to do ordinary things with tenderness.” ~Jean
Vanier
This is what my study abroad experience was
about—making an ordinary life that was filled with extreme tenderness. I loved
my routine, being independent, the people around me, the scenery, the way I
felt, and how close I was to God. It was not a typical study abroad experience,
but it was mine, and I would not have it any other way.
I am really struggling with being
back home. I feel like a part of me is missing. I am scared for the
unknowns--when am I going to see my friends again? When I will be back in Cape
Town? What if I lose touch with people? What if this all becomes a distant
memory? How am I going to take what I learned and apply it to my life here? How
am I going to feel that free again? How am I going to feel like myself again?
When does this sad feeling go away? I know that I have to be grateful for
the opportunity I had and for the many blessings I have in front of me at home.
It is still hard, though. I feel many emotions right now--frustrated, angry,
and confused being some of the main ones. However, I know that these feeling
would not be there if I had not had such a blessed experience. Cape Town is
home to me, and I know it will be there, waiting for me to return someday. Ines
is one of the beautiful people I met in Cape Town at St. Michael's Church. She
is from Germany, but now lives in Cape Town. This is something that she wrote
that I will carry with me:
Home will always be my shelter, my
anchor, my hope. Home is what makes me the person I am. Home is present all the
time – in my heart. Home is in Germany, but home is also right here! I have
experienced so much love, met incredibly kind people here in Cape Town, who
became close friends, my second family. It is clearly possible to have more
than one home. Because home is where your heart is. And your heart will always
be where the people you love are. And people you love make you feel comfortable
and happy, even in hard times.
I am going to thank God everyday
for the gift of Cape Town. It was there that I discovered myself, my deep love
for God and Mary, the meaning of true friendship, and what “home” is. Thank
you, Cape Town. I will see you soon. XXX.
What I Will Miss
Even on a rainy day, the sky is pretty. My house
is never quiet—someone was always singing or yelling. Wearing onesies with
Roxy. Everything Louie says because his French accent rocks. Sleepovers with
Roxy. Watching Free Willy with Duke. Everything Mrs. Jones says. The tiny heart
in the cement in front of our house. Checking the mailbox everyday, even though
there is usually nothing there. Lunch with Ashley at UWC. Sitting in the corner
at Honeybun. Listing to strange conversations in bolo bolo. Seeing the barefoot
people in Obs. Going on a Valentine Date with Caitlin. Learning to be
independent. Saying the rosary at six in the morning at the Chapel. Laughing
with Sarah about anything and everything. Becoming best friends with Sarah in
five minutes. My daily walks along the Liesbeek River. My See You Soon party at
bolo bolo. Bungee jumping off of the highest commercial bridge in the world.
Petting real life lions. Getting advice from Julia. Shark cage-diving and
trying not to throw-up the whole time. Feeding elephants from the palm of my
hand. Learning how to surf. Meeting Seth and Liz. Trying to understand what the
heck is going on in Ethics. Walking around the track at UWC while listening to
One Direction. Crying from sadness. Crying from joy. Hiking to the waterfall
with Conner in Hermanus. Find some of my future bridesmaids. Talking to Caryn
about life’s joys and struggles and everything in between. Helping Amy cook
before Life Series. Watching Chantal try to parallel park. Reading some good
literature. Not stressing about school as much. Being in the moment. Getting a
package from Liz with a trillion stamps on it. Searching for the perfect Malva
cake. St. Michael’s Church. Completing the 3-Peak Challenge in 8 hours and 43
minutes. Being able to walk again after the 3-Peak Challenge. Becoming a
Stormer’s fan. The Life Series Retreat. Receiving the greatest email from
Claire. Hiking multiple times. Life Series every Tuesday
night. Watching the sunset from Kamp’s Bay. Meeting Kimberley. Having life
chats with Pearnel on the way to school and service. Learning how to play pool
at Stones. Sassy waiters at Hello Sailor. Getting advice from Chelsea and
becoming close friends. Being a nut with Caryn. Finding good in everyone.
Learning to love who I am. Finding God in all things. Feeling free. Feeling
like me. Laughing with Gareth. Getting a hug from a housemate when I needed it.
Talking to Nick at Rhode’s Memorial. When Carra and I could not find the
cockroach in our room. When Sam took a fire extinguisher with him when we
thought there was a burglar in the house. When I burst out crying during Sam’s
visual diary presentation. When Melikaya could not remember Julia’s name. The
homeless man in Obs who has been there for thirty years. Waking up, thankful
for another day. Seb’s guitar playing. Reading Rome Sweet Home. Reading the
Prayers of the Faithful at mass. Eating macaroons with Chantal. Truth Coffee.
Company Gardens. Going to the planetarium by myself…and loving it. Eating
breakfast with Desmond Tutu. Learning about reconciliation. Hugging PK. Eating
Domonique’s cookies. Talking with Melikaya in the kitchen. Learning I cannot
cook. Going through too many bottles of Siracha with Zan. Leading the Pride Parade. Going to an Eminem
concert. Finding out what a beautiful soul Zan is. Trying to teach a class of
seventh graders. Shannon’s sweetness. Joking around with AidAn. Lunch in the Life Science’s building. When a 75% is an “A.”
Duke and I getting feathers in our hair. Getting three students ready for a
spelling bee. Going on walks with Maira. Hanging out with penguins. Taking the
train. Unofficially meeting up with Willem at Honeybun. Befriending Yoka.
Freedom Concert at UCT. Pretending I was a student for a day at UCT. Passing
out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to homeless people. My birthday party at
the Church. The Creamery. Gypsy Café. Meeting Carrie and Nic. Being inspired by
Tim. Getting to know Steve. Doing the Stations of the Cross up Devil’s Peak on
Good Friday. Having the best Easter ever. No meat at bolo bolo. The garden next
to the Church. The tree that fits my back perfectly. The Genesis retreat on a
beautiful fall day. The way South Africans say the word “banana.” Becoming a
Stormers fan. Greenmarket Square. Staring out the window on the way to school and
service. My first hike up Table when we were walking on a cloud at the top (and
my body was turning blue). High-fiving the boy who works at Mimi’s. Dylan
making fun of me for burning my food. Going to mass with Julia. Bonding with Sam at
the kitchen table. Non-refrigerated eggs and milk. Domonique dancing in the
kitchen. My favorite twins at Church. Chelsea picking me up for mass. The
circus tent by our house. Going to the Observatory and looking at Saturn
through a huge telescope. Lying on the grass on the side of our house.
Hammocking. Being torn from seeing the townships. Going to see the Sisters of
Charity for the Umoya project. Receiving love from the children at St. Mary’s.
Exalt night in Constantia. The feeling that everything is going to be okay on
top of a mountain. Meeting two people from St. Louis in Cape Town. House cuddle
on the couch. Meeting and being inspired by Ines. Being the happiest I have
ever been. Being the loneliest I have ever been. Praying in a prayer hut on a
mountain. Coffee with Cami. Not stressing about the little things. Getting chased by baboons.
Getting up early because I did not want to waste a moment. Hiking with
people up Lion’s Head even though they did not know I was following
them. Stones with my housemates on our last night. Bawling on the bus ride
to the airport and staring back at the mountain. Ballroom dancing with Rox.
Getting my purse stolen (oops). Learning to not judge. Talking to Violet,
Shireen, and Olivia at SAFFI. Lying in a field during my lunch break. Falling
in love with scripture. Waiting at the bus stop for Pearnel. Reading Humans of
New York while sitting next to the lady who writes Humans of Cape Town. Talking to Lila. Understanding why Catholics believe some of the things that we do. Being
surprised Cape Town has autumn leaves like we do. People asking me why I am
wearing shorts and flip-flops when it is freezing outside. Seeing how happy PK
and Conner are when they come back from surfing. Sarah’s jokes and song
references. Janine’s hugs. Talking to Abby and Gen. Watching Queen of Peace and
feeling lots of love from Mary. Feeling accepted. Remembering to stop and look at the mountains
everyday because they are breathtaking. Swimming in Kamps Bay even though it
was ice cold. Walking in the footsteps of Nelson Mandela at Robben Island. Gems
from Kauai. People-watching on my walks towards UCT. Kari in her clogs. Giving a testimony at Life
Series. Spying on nuns. Walking along the Promenade by myself. Saying the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3 pm. Laying under the stars with
Molly in Hermanus. Mango Ginger muffins. Andrew. Knead Bakery. Hiking with Toju.
Moonlight hike on Lion’s Head. Andrew making fun of me at SAFFI. Receiving a
Café Ventana shirt from Emily back home. Letters from Nicole. Old Biscuit Mill
on Saturdays. Going to coffee shops just to look at people because people are
awesome. Praying at a mosque. Meeting Mariam on the train. The Baxter Theatre. Seeing a butterfly
whenever I needed to see one. Finding rand instead of pennies on the ground.
Reading The Secret Letters of the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. Playing
Frisbee with a National Frisbee player. When Julia’s parents made us Italian
food. Family dinners on Sunday nights. Ubuntu. Praying more than ever. Caryn’s
birthday party that was the cutest party ever. Ash Wednesday mass with Ashley.
The beautiful cake Ashley’s mom made for me. Seeing “Blood Brothers” at the
Fugard Theatre. Sito helping me from miles away. Talking with John De Gruchy, author of the book we read for
class. Going to mass with Desmond Tutu at the cathedral. Walking the labyrinth
of St. George’s. Going to Taize prayer. Going to the Kolbe House at UCT. Queen
of Tarts with Caryn. Seth and Liz praying over me outside of Stones. Walking
and saying the rosary. Confession at St. Mikes. Saying “shame” and “pleasure.”
And on and on and on…
