SERENITY NOW

I remember saying the Serenity Prayer before every high school cross-country practice:

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can; 


and wisdom to know the difference.



Living one day at a time; 


enjoying one moment at a time; 


accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 


taking, as He did, this sinful world
 as it is, not as I would have it; 


trusting that He will make all things right
 if I surrender to His Will; 


that I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him
 forever in the next. 


Amen.

I realize now, looking back on this prayer, how much this can relate to my life in Cape Town at the moment. 

~God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change~

I sadly have to leave this place I now call my home in a short three weeks. I have fallen in love with this city and the people here. I no longer feel like a tourist. I have a daily routine. I still look at the mountains surrounding me everyday and I cannot believe I am so lucky to be here. I cannot change the fact that I am leaving, though. I hope to take everything I have learned--things about myself, God, friendships, people--and bring that back with me. Although this chapter of my life is coming to a close, I am looking forward to seeing what the next chapter has in store, and how I can integrate my South Africa experience into it. 

~courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference~

It is overwhelming at times to see how many people here are struggling when I am blessed with all of the things I need and more. Even though I cannot help everyone, I can help some. And this is all God is calling us to do. Remember Mother Teresa's quote: “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” I go on daily walks, and often times I will bring with me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (or jam, as they say here) to pass out to people that need it. It makes me feel really connected to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Even though a sandwich is not going to fix the problem, at least for that one moment when I ask the person his or name and hand over a sandwich, he or she can feel the worthiness that is deserved by all of God's children.

~Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;~

I have been trying to live each day to the fullest here, knowing that my days here are numbered. I try to see at least one of my new friends each day because they bring me so much joy. Here are some of the enjoyable moments I have recently experienced: 

I had the last Life Series night last Tuesday. It was a very bittersweet event. I was sad to see Life Series ending, but happy to share that night with people who have become family to me. For anybody needing catching up, Life Series was a 9 week program held at St. Michael's Catholic Church, dealing with topics that every young person faces and is challenged with. The series aimed to enlighten and challenge the young adults while developing a platform for learning, discussion and friendship. The topics were "relationships," "sexuality," "drugs, sex, and clubbing," "life's pressures and stresses," "sacrifices and suffering," "living out your faith (this is when I gave a testimony), and "mystery box." Life Series has really changed my life. I have never been so passionate about an activity before and it has motivated me to find something similar back at school. 

I had breakfast with the lovely Chantal at Starlings, an amazing cafe that you would not know exists because there is not really a sign. These tend to be the best places, though, and this was no exception. Chantal was one of the leaders of Life Series and she has really impacted me in such a great way. She is sweet as a cupcake and very driven in everything she does. 

My twin is safely back home from the Philippines so I have gotten to Skype her, which has been LOVELY. I have also enjoyed the moments I have had with my mom over Skype, when she is able to say just the right thing to make me feel better. I am looking forward to hugging them both really hard. 

I was blessed enough to be able to go on a safari trip with Julia and her family (one of my housemates). It is crazy how God's plan works out. I did not go on my group's safari trip in March, so when this opportunity sprang up, I knew I had to take it. We did some incredible things that are going to stand out in my memory forever. Julia's awesome family welcomed me in like I was one of the cousins. We went to an elephant reserve where we fed the elephants giant vegetables from our palms. Next was bungee jumping at the Bloukrans Bridge, which is the highest commercial natural bungee jump in the world (216 m). I had to go first and it was easily the coolest experience I have ever had. I was surprisingly calm and I really enjoyed the moment. It was a freeing and beautiful experience and I wish I could do it again and again. Next was the lion walk where we got to follow lions around and even stop to pet them. It was NUTS. You are definitely not supposed to pet a lion. Last was the safari, where we drove in an open car and saw all kinds of animals that I have only seen in the zoo—giraffes, rhinos, ostriches and much more. The best were the lions, though; we came within feet of them and I was more nervous than I was bungee jumping, but the driver assured us that they were not hungry. Yikes.

Since Life Series is over, I have started attending Life Teen, which is St. Mike’s youth group that meets Sunday nights after church. I am very grateful for being welcomed into this new community and I am impressed by the joy that the core members have for God and how dedicated they are to showing teens Christ. I love how my friends make it so easy to show my faith because they are so vulnerable and open to God’s love and to spreading it to everyone. They make being faith-filled the norm. When I am with them, I never feel alone.

I have never been one to like math, however my faith is growing exponentially. Before coming here, I grew in my faith by being in community with others. Now, I am growing in my faith in a lot of personal ways. I say the rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet nearly everyday. Whenever I feel sad, confused, hurt, or frustrated, I talk to God. Whenever I feel joyful, excited, or hopeful, I thank God.  I now realize that God is my source of everything, and, as St. Augustine said, my heart is restless until it rests in the Lord. I feel so fulfilled and complete when I keep God at the front. I am blessed with people here who push me to keep God at the center.

I got to go to dinner with Franci and Amy, who I met through Life Series. They are cousins (but they look nothing alike) and they are beautifully different. We went to Gypsy Café, which is right by my house and I had always wanted to try it out. They have food from a different country each month—this time it was Israel. It was amazing. I am grateful for that time with my two new friends.

I went to my first rugby game and I have to admit, I like it a lot better than football. There is a lot more action and it goes a lot quicker. I cheered on the Stormers, which is Cape Town’s professional team. I even got a poster, a flag, and an autograph from one of the players, so I am now an official fan. Oh, and I saw a man with a Cardinal’s jacket on, so I said “hello!” That was pretty exciting.

~accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;~

It is amazing how the hardships I have faced on this journey all make sense now because I know they fit into God’s plan for me. For example, without the loneliness I had at the beginning, then I would not have relied on God so much and I would not have gotten to know His glory as much as I have.

I have been feeling scared for the unknowns of the future, even though I know I am supposed to trust God’s plan. What activities am I going to dedicate my time to? How long will this “God high” last? Will I still keep my faith steadfast in the hard moments? Will I be able to stay in touch with my new friends when I come back home? Will I be able to come back here? How am I supposed to show the glory of God to those who do not believe? “Trust the Lord completely, and don’t depend on your own knowledge. With every step you take, think about what he wants, and he will help you go the right way.” –Proverbs 3:5-6

Another hardship for me has been trying to process that I will be getting hip surgery this summer. I have a labral tear in both of my hips from running (funny how the things we love the most can cause us the most pain). I will be getting one of them fixed on June 26^th, only a short time after I get back from the experience of a lifetime. It is going to be difficult transitioning from always being on the go, to being sedentary.  HOWEVER. I realize that this is totally happening for a reason. I am going to have the opportunity to do things I have never gotten to do. I want to try to read the whole Bible from back to front. I want to take cello lessons. I want to write letters. I want to read books I have always wanted to read. I realize that just like my lifestyle here has been completely different, my lifestyle back at home will be completely different. Change can be good and I think going into this summer with a good attitude will open my eyes to the grace that can be had from this experience.

~taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;~

One of the biggest lessons I have learned from this experience is that we are called to love all of our brothers and sisters in Christ. This does not just mean your family and friends, but also the lady who works at the coffee shop and the homeless man on the sidewalk. Everyone sins, and even though one sin might seem greater than another sin, both are choosing to turn away from God. So we cannot judge others and we have to always be looking to see how we can better those around us. I am not saying I always do this—in fact, it is something I can definitely work on. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.” –Luke 6:37

~trusting that He will make all things right
 if I surrender to His Will;~


I made a friend this week. Her name is Sarah and she is an American study abroad student. She has surrendered to God, too! We met at my favorite coffee shop, Honeybun (all good things start in a coffee shop). She had a “Young Life” sticker on her laptop and so I asked her about it. This is an international organization whose goal is to meet teens where they are and show them Christ. She got me really interested in it and I am looking forward to possibly being involved with it in St. Louis when I go back. The best friendships are those where you can share your faith like because then you can show your whole self. I am excited to grow in friendship with Sarah—she is one of those special people whose small conversations make a large impact.

~that I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.~

This life brings me great joy. But knowing that heaven awaits me where I will meet my Father with open arms gives me even greater joy. “In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?” –John 14:2

Amen.

There is even a Seinfeld episode called "Serenity Now." 

BITTEN BY A BUG

I have officially been bitten by the Cape Town bug and I do not think I will ever be able to get rid of it. Man oh man…life here lately has brought me so much peace, joy, love, God, friendship, & vulnerability. This week I was honored to be able to give the talk/testimony at Life Series (the young adult group I am in at St. Michael's). I will start by sharing that with you, and then I will add more about what I have been up to in this beautiful city:) 

 Life Series Talk—“Living Out Your Faith” 4/29/14

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E82DzTSu40

 Last year was the first time I really felt connected to God. I also felt really alone at times, though. Like one of my favorite Christian songs, “Where I Belong,” says, “All I know is I’m not home yet, this is not where I belong.” I felt like God was my true source of joy, and I could not find a community to share this joy with. I did end up finding dear and lifelong friends to share my faith with, but I was still yearning for a community. I would easily get frustrated with worldly problems, and I still do. The lyrics “Take this world and give me Jesus” rang in my ears. All I wanted was God in my life and I wanted others to experience Him, too. I felt like I would always be on this path, alone.

But then I came to South Africa, and things changed. Words cannot describe this transformation that has taken place inside of me. It is like the Holy Spirit came and trickled through my whole body, and then God came and grabbed my heart and hugged it and told me He would never let go. After this awakening, I completely surrendered myself to God. I looked God in the eyes and told Him that my life is going to be used to do His will and serve Him. I completely gave myself up to my Creator.

        

 I will be honest, looking back at my journal from a couple of months ago, I talk about how lonely I am. Like the song says, “Sometimes it feels like I’m watching from the outside. Sometimes it feels like I’m breathing, but am I alive?” I relied on God as a friend, since I felt like I did not have anyone to go to. I honestly thought I would feel that way the whole time I was here, but I was okay with it since I had God with me.

         

My heart was aching for a long time for true friendship. I tried to be patient, always praying and waiting for God to send me what I needed. I go on daily walks here, and I would always look up to the sky and ask God to please send me the friends I was so desperately searching for.

         

Now, if you look at my journal from a couple of days ago, I talk about how some of these days have been the best in my life because I feel so loved and accepted. God has truly answered my prayers! Not only did he give me one friend, but he gave me a whole Church community! God truly provides. I am the happiest I have been in my whole life. I don’t even have enough fingers and toes to count the number of people that have touched my life here and have fulfilled my heart’s desire of true friendship.

 I have finally found a place where I belong. I am struggling with the fact that I have to leave all of my new friends at St. Michael’s, because I cannot imagine living without them. However, they have all become family to me, and family stays with you wherever you go. I found this quote and I immediately thought of my Cape Town experience. “You will never be completely at home again, because a part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That’s the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.”

        

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjb4KdNjhoc

Once a God explosion occurs in your heart like it has for me in South Africa, it cannot be ignored. I had to ask myself if I was willing to risk it all to accomplish the plans God has for my life. The answer was “yes.” Living out one’s faith means living out one’s call to be extraordinary. Mark Hart, author of the Life Teen Blog, says that being extraordinary “happens by allowing the Holy Spirit to unleash the greatness of your soul. It happens through a devoted prayer life. It happens by frequent encounters with Christ in the Sacraments, most specifically in the Eucharist. And it happens by allowing the Blessed Mother to truly become your own mother, as Christ intended (John 19:27). It happens by accepting the challenge to live a heroic virtue, pursuing greatness through humility every day before your feet even hit the floor.” Let me repeat that last part—“every day before your feet even hit the floor.” That’s right. It starts from the moment you open your eyelids in the morning and wipe away your eye boogers. I knew I could not do any of this, though, until I completely surrendered myself to God. So I prayed to God the Prayer of Surrender:

         Loving Father, I surrender to You today with all my heart and soul.  Please come into my heart in a deeper way.  I say “Yes” to You today.  I open all the secret places in my heart to you and say, “Come on in.”  Jesus, You are Lord of my whole life.  I believe in You and receive You as my Lord and Savior.  I hold nothing back.  Holy Spirit, bring me deeper conversion to the person of Jesus Christ.  I surrender all to you: my health, my family, my resources, occupation, skills, relationships, time management, successes and failures.  I release it, and let it go.  I surrender my understanding of how things out to be; my choices and my will.  I surrender to You the promises I have kept and the promises I have failed to keep.  I surrender my weaknesses and strengths to You.  I surrender my emotions, my fears, my insecurities, my everything (continue to surrender other areas as the Holy Spirit reveals them to you). Lord, I surrender my entire life to You, the past, the present and the future.  In sickness and in health, in life and in death, I belong to You. “Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all that I have and possess.  You have given all of me.  To you, O Lord, and I return it.  All is Yours.  Dispose of it wholly according to Your will.  Give me Your Love and Your grace, for this is sufficient for me.”

By surrendering myself to God, I was able to receive God’s grace to do His will and be extraordinary. This might seem like a tall order, to be extraordinary, however, Mark Hart says that the virtue of the Sacramental grace is within us, so we already have the gifts we need to change the world. “What we need to do is to actively allow the Holy Spirit to “blow up” our plans and our lives and lead us where He wants us to go.” This will unleash the fullness of our gifts of our power. I can see this actively working in my life—from the moment I surrendered myself to God, life has been so much more full of life and extraordinary things. I feel like I am walking in different footsteps, but maybe that is because I am. I am now walking in the footsteps of the Lord.

The great part is, we don’t have to worry or stress over what we are capable of, because God already knows, since He created us (Jeremiah 1:4-8, Ephesians 2:10). Not only does the Lord know how awesome you are, but he knows how awesome you can be with the help of His grace (2 Corinthians 5:15, Galatians 2:20). God knows that I am capable of loving others, and that is why He has graced me with the challenge of showing those who don’t feel love what love is. Sometimes this feels like an overwhelming task, but I know God desires it of me and will be there to help me.

Mother Theresa talked about this problem we face. She said, “The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love. The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty -- it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality. There's a hunger for love, as there is a hunger for God.” When I read this, my heart leapt because I completely agree with her words and I desire to help.

Sometimes I doubt myself that I can take this task on of doing God’s will for me and loving everyone, but then I think of another Mother Theresa quote. She said, “Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” I find great relief and strength in this quote. Mark Hart touched on this, too. He said, “You may not have the vocation to become Pope, but you do have the vocation to love. You’re probably not called to face down Nazi oppression but there is plenty of depression at your local school or job that would benefit from Christ’s light shining forth from within you. You might feel obscure, forgotten or insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but Christ is calling you greatness, and to a personal mission.” I hope that I can fulfill the mission God’s asks of me, and that I can be extraordinary. I know this is possible, because “I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).

        

 So what else has Han been up to? Here are some of the highlights:

*I had one of the BEST Easters ever. A friend from church had people over who do not have families here.There was karaoke in the kitchen, homemade hot cross bun ice-cream, and lots of good conversations and quality time with amazing people. 

*Molly, Caitlin, and I (two girls from my house) had an awesome day on Long's Street doing homework, shopping, and going to the Middle Eastern Food Bazaar. It is simple days like this that can mean the most. 

*Life Series is nearing its end, unfortunately. This Tuesday will be the last one. It is hard to imagine it being over, because Tuesday nights are my favorite time of the whole week (and Sunday mass, obviously :)). I have learned so much about my faith and I have made the best of friends through Life Series. Even though it is ending, those friendships will continue for a LONG time :)

*I have a newfound love for reading scripture. I am constantly googling scripture verses and I never fail to find something that fits the situation I am in. I am finally understanding the great beauty of the Bible and how much it can help guide me. 

*Rome Sweet Home. Go read this book, please. My friend showed it to me and it has opened my eyes to the grace of the Eucharist and how precious it is. 

*Cappuccinos with Caryn happened, again :) She never fails to show me what a true friend looks like. I love how silly we can be and also how much we help each other grow. 

*I had the most lovely hangout with Chelsea, my geologist friend. We went to Knead, a popular bakery here that smells like fresh bread. She has a way of making you feel like you have been friends forever. I have learned so much from her and she is a very special person indeed! 

*"Best friends are hard to find, but when one comes along, they will make life worthwhile." This is Gareth in a nutshell. Life throws us many different challenges and obstacles, but finding someone like him with so much joy and love in his heart makes life so beautiful. He is constantly showing me through his actions Romans 1:7, "to all who are beloved of God in Rome, called as saints: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ (we are all called to be saints:))."

PS: Sorry I have a lack of photos, but ever since my phone got stolen I haven't really taken any pictures. You can be sure that I am holding all of the memories I am making close to my heart, and I will be more than happy to share when I get back home :)