THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE

Sometimes I have moments of doubt where I ask myself what if God is not even real? But these thoughts are pushed aside when I think back to those times where God was obviously present in my life. During these past couple of weeks, I have felt God’s presence many times, almost more than usual. Perhaps this is because I have been keeping my eyes more open for Him. Since I have been a tad down and out since leaving Cape Town, I have been yearning even more for signs of God’s grace to keep me going. What a good friend He is—he has sent me many signs that He is with me.

It started last week with a passage in the Bible. Since finding out that my hip surgery was cancelled, I have been feeling very hopeless that the problem is going to be fixed. I came to the realization that we all have our crosses to bear, and that might is definitely not has bad as other people's crosses. Still, I kept having thoughts of anger. The other day when I was reading my daily Bible passage, it happened to be one about Jacob wrestling with God. In the passage, he hurts his hip socket. I was so shocked when I saw the word hip I had to reread the sentence to make sure I read it correctly. It was very comforting to know that someone in the Bible had the same problem that I did, and that God was there to witness it. It is amazing how a bible passage can really speak to a situation that you are in. It’s like it was written just for you.

The next occurrence of God’s presence was when I was on a walk with my dog. I take great joy in my daily walks. It is something I started to do in Cape Town, and have since continued. It is my time to be at peace, pray to God, and listen to worship songs. Anyways, finances have been on my mind lately. I have been worrying about how I am supposed to accomplish the things I want to do (things in the distance future, mind you). Sometimes the burden of finances weighs heavily on me, even though I am the one putting that stress upon myself. Well, I was walking Izzy and I all of a sudden found seven dollars lying on the ground. I am one to get excited about finding a penny on the ground, so to find seven dollars—that’s 700 pennies! Some may see it that I just got lucky and found someone’s bills that flew out of their jacket pocket. I, however, believe that God wanted me to know that I should not worry and that everything is in His control.

These two events that occurred (reading the Bible passage and finding seven dollars) may seem small, but to me it’s the small signs from God that propel more and more into a relationship with God. Those two graces from God put a smile on my face and prepared me for the amazing week to come.

I am proud to say that I have officially been “SHINED.” After many phone calls last summer and this summer with my friend Emily while she was working at camp, I finally got to see what all of the excitement was about. SHINE is a Catholic camp for high school students, which stands for Serving Him In the Needy and Elderly. The crew travels to a new city in the U.S. each week to host a truly unforgettable experience for people who are willing to be open to God’s love. SHINE was created and is directed by Dawn and Augie Leal. They bring three of their children with them—Jai Michael, Alyssa, and Jordan. I hope one day to have a family has compassionate and holy as them. I really enjoyed getting to know the Leal family and discovering what a life of ministry looks like.

I also enjoyed seeing my friend, Emily, in her SHINE element. Boy did she shine! Emily as well as the rest of the staff work extremely hard to make the camp the best it can be. They stay up until the wee hours of the morning and get up very early. They unload and load the vehicles with all of their equipment. They make delicious home-cooked meals (hello jambalaya). They get up on stage each night and are okay with looking like goofs. They assist with daily mass, adoration, reconciliation, and prayer time. And the best part is, they do it all with love. They truly act as servants of Christ, doing all things with extreme compassion in attempts to show others the face of God. I was honored to be at a camp that attempts one of the greatest challenges of all—getting others excited about Christ.

The staff has truly become a family and they let me be a part of it for a short amount of time. I got to assist with serving meals (I found my secret calling—drizzling cheese onto tacos), preparing for mass, shopping at Walmart, dancing on stage, singing the Divine Mercy Chaplet, unloading the vehicles, and trying to show God’s love whenever possible. Needless to say, this whole week has been filled with God’s presence and has included moment after moment of God shaking my shoulders to let me know that He is there.

Last night, though, a truly unforgettable experience occurred.  Thursday nights are when Adoration takes place during SHINE. They placed the most beautiful monstrous I have ever seen in the center of the room, surrounded by white candles. The next hour that passed by seems almost like a dream because it was the deepest I have ever been in prayer. I was not aware of what was happening around me. All I was focusing on was Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and I proceeded to have an intense discussion with God. I talked to Him about everything on my heart that was burdening me. It came pouring out of me at a rapid rate and I felt God’s presence as He listened to everything I was saying. My knees started hurting pretty badly from being on the hardwood floor for so long, which reminded me of how much pain Jesus was in on the cross.  I am not a huge crier (besides when I watch Finding Nemo), but suddenly I had tears streaming down my face and I felt so overcome with God’s presence, power, and love. I have not physically felt God’s presence like that in a long time. Being that vulnerable felt so good, so raw, so human.

I talked to God during that time about a lot of different areas in my life, but mostly about my call to do ministry. Sometimes I feel like I am walking alone; like God is the only one truly understands me. I rely on God so much and have come to see him as a best friend, as the Ultimate, as the greatest Love imaginable. It scares me sometimes that I am putting my whole life towards something that no one can prove for certain. We live in a world that is constantly pushing us away from God. The latest songs, movies, magazines, etc. are all filled with images and ideas that pull us farther from the way God wants us to go. Loving God is supposedly so easy, yet this world makes it so hard sometimes. I wonder how I am supposed to be a minster of Christ? How do I show people the light of Christ when they are in darkness?  If only humans could temporarily switch places, and I could have someone who doesn’t believe in Christ experience what I was feeling last night. Then they would know. They would know that the piece of bread in the center of the room is not in fact bread, but is the actual body of Jesus Christ. They would be able to feel the emotion that overcame me as I was in the presence of Him. They would understand. If only it were that easy, though. Instead, I have to use my actions and words to try to explain something that I often myself can barely comprehend. I think struggling with these thoughts but still keeping the faith is what this journey of life is all about. It is those moments of weakness, despair, and sadness, when finding God is like trying to find a lost earring in the desert, when we have to come face to face with our faith. We get to see if our faith is strong enough to overcome the sandstorms that life too often brings. I hope that during the next trial that comes my way, I can look back at the small gifts of grace God puts in my life, as well as the bigger ones, and know that I have a God that is greater than anything.

~SHINE~

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” --Matthew 5:16 

ON AND ON IT GOES

I thought my blog was going to end after I got back from Cape Town, but low and behold, here I am, blogging from Iowa. I figure if anything, I can keep my Cape Town family informed of what is going on in this part of the world. I am not sure where to begin, though, because usually my posts are about hiking expeditions, awesome hangouts with my St. Michael's friends, or unique coffee shops; but alas, those mountains, friends, and coffee shops are miles away. I am back at home one of my homes in Des Moines, Iowa (lets be real, Cape Town is also home). I suppose I will let you in on how I am doing being back home, and lucky for me I found a song that describes it perfectly: "Thought Of You" by The Weepies. The gist of the song is that the world keeps moving along, even though you may feel really down and out.

I watch the stars from my window sill

The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

The night is here and the day is gone

And the world spins madly on

Sometimes this song makes me really bummed because I am reminded that all of my Cape Town friends are are still living their lives and things are going as normal, even though I am not there. My heart leaps when I see something on Facebook about a birthday party or a World Cup gathering that I cannot be a part of. But how selfish does that sound (that was a rhetorical question).  I am SO gosh darn lucky to have had the chance to meet the people that I did, and I am thankful that they let me into their lives, even if it was for a short time. I learned the meaning of true friendship from these people. Even though I will continue my life here in the States, I know they will continue walking with me. Friendship doesn't end when the friendship gets difficult. It just requires a little extra effort sometimes. It requires not getting upset when you really want to talk to someone but you realize they are already in bed because they are seven hours ahead of you. It requires praying for each other. It requires sending an emoji of a bunny just because you can. It requires knowing that even if you don't talk for a while, you still love each other.  

The song also makes me happy because it reminds me that even though I have rough moments where all I want to do is hop on the next plane to Cape Town (okay not literally...there are not direct flights there...I am trying to make a point), life continues and change happens. I know something new will spring up into my life to make the days bright again. Cape Town just brought such a light though. Man, I was so happy there. I expected to be on a low when coming back, but I didn’t know it would hurt so badly. Sometimes I lay on the grass in my backyard and I close my eyes and I pretend like I am lying in the yard at the K-House. But like I said, sunnier days are soon to come, I just know it.

I feel like I am back to my first month in Cape Town, when I was so unsure about things and I did not have anybody to talk to about what I was feeling. I talk to God all of the time because He already knows everything I am feeling, so I don’t have to worry about fully explaining myself. From reading the Bible I have come to learn that God does not mind if I yell at him or get angry, which sounds weird, but it is true! God wants us to be honest and let out all of our feelings…and He is not going to judge us at all. He just loves. He is seriously the bees knees I cannot believe that I (and anyone else willing to open their heart to Him) get to be best friends with Him. God knows that I am feeling like a part of my heart is missing (I left it in Cape Town, meh) but I know He has something in store to fill it with. I am excited to see what this is... I will keep you posted…

EXTRAORDINARILY ORDINARY

My study abroad experience turned out to be much different than I thought it was going to be. I figured I would do exciting touristy things and I would hangout with my American housemates all of the time. I thought I would put all of my effort into my service site. I thought I would leave glad to have had the experience, but ready to come back home. The truth is, none of the above happened. So what did happen?

I formed a life there.

I made a family.

I went to St. Michael’s Church.

I went grocery shopping.

I sat in coffee shops to do homework.

I went on daily walks along the same route.

I laughed harder than I ever have.

I met up with friends at night.

I had sleepovers.

I cried.

I felt loved.

I said the rosary.

I did the ordinary.

I formed a life there.

One of my best friends I made in Cape Town used this quote in her last blog entry from studying abroad, so I thought I would so the same: “Love (or life, or travelling, or or or…) doesn’t mean doing extraordinary or heroic things. It means knowing how to do ordinary things with tenderness.” ~Jean Vanier

This is what my study abroad experience was about—making an ordinary life that was filled with extreme tenderness. I loved my routine, being independent, the people around me, the scenery, the way I felt, and how close I was to God. It was not a typical study abroad experience, but it was mine, and I would not have it any other way.  

I am really struggling with being back home. I feel like a part of me is missing. I am scared for the unknowns--when am I going to see my friends again? When I will be back in Cape Town? What if I lose touch with people? What if this all becomes a distant memory? How am I going to take what I learned and apply it to my life here? How am I going to feel that free again? How am I going to feel like myself again? When does this sad feeling go away?  I know that I have to be grateful for the opportunity I had and for the many blessings I have in front of me at home. It is still hard, though. I feel many emotions right now--frustrated, angry, and confused being some of the main ones. However, I know that these feeling would not be there if I had not had such a blessed experience. Cape Town is home to me, and I know it will be there, waiting for me to return someday. Ines is one of the beautiful people I met in Cape Town at St. Michael's Church. She is from Germany, but now lives in Cape Town. This is something that she wrote that I will carry with me:

Home will always be my shelter, my anchor, my hope. Home is what makes me the person I am. Home is present all the time – in my heart. Home is in Germany, but home is also right here! I have experienced so much love, met incredibly kind people here in Cape Town, who became close friends, my second family. It is clearly possible to have more than one home. Because home is where your heart is. And your heart will always be where the people you love are. And people you love make you feel comfortable and happy, even in hard times.

I am going to thank God everyday for the gift of Cape Town. It was there that I discovered myself, my deep love for God and Mary, the meaning of true friendship, and what “home” is. Thank you, Cape Town. I will see you soon. XXX.

What I Will Miss

Even on a rainy day, the sky is pretty. My house is never quiet—someone was always singing or yelling. Wearing onesies with Roxy. Everything Louie says because his French accent rocks. Sleepovers with Roxy. Watching Free Willy with Duke. Everything Mrs. Jones says. The tiny heart in the cement in front of our house. Checking the mailbox everyday, even though there is usually nothing there. Lunch with Ashley at UWC. Sitting in the corner at Honeybun. Listing to strange conversations in bolo bolo. Seeing the barefoot people in Obs. Going on a Valentine Date with Caitlin. Learning to be independent. Saying the rosary at six in the morning at the Chapel. Laughing with Sarah about anything and everything. Becoming best friends with Sarah in five minutes. My daily walks along the Liesbeek River. My See You Soon party at bolo bolo. Bungee jumping off of the highest commercial bridge in the world. Petting real life lions. Getting advice from Julia. Shark cage-diving and trying not to throw-up the whole time. Feeding elephants from the palm of my hand. Learning how to surf. Meeting Seth and Liz. Trying to understand what the heck is going on in Ethics. Walking around the track at UWC while listening to One Direction. Crying from sadness. Crying from joy. Hiking to the waterfall with Conner in Hermanus. Find some of my future bridesmaids. Talking to Caryn about life’s joys and struggles and everything in between. Helping Amy cook before Life Series. Watching Chantal try to parallel park. Reading some good literature. Not stressing about school as much. Being in the moment. Getting a package from Liz with a trillion stamps on it. Searching for the perfect Malva cake. St. Michael’s Church. Completing the 3-Peak Challenge in 8 hours and 43 minutes. Being able to walk again after the 3-Peak Challenge. Becoming a Stormer’s fan. The Life Series Retreat. Receiving the greatest email from Claire. Hiking multiple times. Life Series every Tuesday night. Watching the sunset from Kamp’s Bay. Meeting Kimberley. Having life chats with Pearnel on the way to school and service. Learning how to play pool at Stones. Sassy waiters at Hello Sailor. Getting advice from Chelsea and becoming close friends. Being a nut with Caryn. Finding good in everyone. Learning to love who I am. Finding God in all things. Feeling free. Feeling like me. Laughing with Gareth. Getting a hug from a housemate when I needed it. Talking to Nick at Rhode’s Memorial. When Carra and I could not find the cockroach in our room. When Sam took a fire extinguisher with him when we thought there was a burglar in the house. When I burst out crying during Sam’s visual diary presentation. When Melikaya could not remember Julia’s name. The homeless man in Obs who has been there for thirty years. Waking up, thankful for another day. Seb’s guitar playing. Reading Rome Sweet Home. Reading the Prayers of the Faithful at mass. Eating macaroons with Chantal. Truth Coffee. Company Gardens. Going to the planetarium by myself…and loving it. Eating breakfast with Desmond Tutu. Learning about reconciliation. Hugging PK. Eating Domonique’s cookies. Talking with Melikaya in the kitchen. Learning I cannot cook. Going through too many bottles of Siracha with Zan. Leading the Pride Parade. Going to an Eminem concert. Finding out what a beautiful soul Zan is. Trying to teach a class of seventh graders. Shannon’s sweetness. Joking around with AidAn. Lunch in the Life Science’s building. When a 75% is an “A.” Duke and I getting feathers in our hair. Getting three students ready for a spelling bee. Going on walks with Maira. Hanging out with penguins. Taking the train. Unofficially meeting up with Willem at Honeybun. Befriending Yoka. Freedom Concert at UCT. Pretending I was a student for a day at UCT. Passing out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to homeless people. My birthday party at the Church. The Creamery. Gypsy Café. Meeting Carrie and Nic. Being inspired by Tim. Getting to know Steve. Doing the Stations of the Cross up Devil’s Peak on Good Friday. Having the best Easter ever. No meat at bolo bolo. The garden next to the Church. The tree that fits my back perfectly. The Genesis retreat on a beautiful fall day. The way South Africans say the word “banana.” Becoming a Stormers fan. Greenmarket Square. Staring out the window on the way to school and service. My first hike up Table when we were walking on a cloud at the top (and my body was turning blue). High-fiving the boy who works at Mimi’s. Dylan making fun of me for burning my food. Going to mass with Julia. Bonding with Sam at the kitchen table. Non-refrigerated eggs and milk. Domonique dancing in the kitchen. My favorite twins at Church. Chelsea picking me up for mass. The circus tent by our house. Going to the Observatory and looking at Saturn through a huge telescope. Lying on the grass on the side of our house. Hammocking. Being torn from seeing the townships. Going to see the Sisters of Charity for the Umoya project. Receiving love from the children at St. Mary’s. Exalt night in Constantia. The feeling that everything is going to be okay on top of a mountain. Meeting two people from St. Louis in Cape Town. House cuddle on the couch. Meeting and being inspired by Ines. Being the happiest I have ever been. Being the loneliest I have ever been. Praying in a prayer hut on a mountain. Coffee with Cami. Not stressing about the little things. Getting chased by baboons. Getting up early because I did not want to waste a moment. Hiking with people up Lion’s Head even though they did not know I was following them. Stones with my housemates on our last night. Bawling on the bus ride to the airport and staring back at the mountain. Ballroom dancing with Rox. Getting my purse stolen (oops). Learning to not judge. Talking to Violet, Shireen, and Olivia at SAFFI. Lying in a field during my lunch break. Falling in love with scripture. Waiting at the bus stop for Pearnel. Reading Humans of New York while sitting next to the lady who writes Humans of Cape  Town. Talking to Lila. Understanding why Catholics believe some of the things that we do. Being surprised Cape Town has autumn leaves like we do. People asking me why I am wearing shorts and flip-flops when it is freezing outside. Seeing how happy PK and Conner are when they come back from surfing. Sarah’s jokes and song references. Janine’s hugs. Talking to Abby and Gen. Watching Queen of Peace and feeling lots of love from Mary. Feeling accepted. Remembering to stop and look at the mountains everyday because they are breathtaking. Swimming in Kamps Bay even though it was ice cold. Walking in the footsteps of Nelson Mandela at Robben Island. Gems from Kauai. People-watching on my walks towards UCT. Kari in her clogs. Giving a testimony at Life Series. Spying on nuns. Walking along the Promenade by myself. Saying the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3 pm. Laying under the stars with Molly in Hermanus. Mango Ginger muffins. Andrew. Knead Bakery. Hiking with Toju. Moonlight hike on Lion’s Head. Andrew making fun of me at SAFFI. Receiving a Café Ventana shirt from Emily back home. Letters from Nicole. Old Biscuit Mill on Saturdays. Going to coffee shops just to look at people because people are awesome. Praying at a mosque. Meeting Mariam on the train. The Baxter Theatre. Seeing a butterfly whenever I needed to see one. Finding rand instead of pennies on the ground. Reading The Secret Letters of the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. Playing Frisbee with a National Frisbee player. When Julia’s parents made us Italian food. Family dinners on Sunday nights. Ubuntu. Praying more than ever. Caryn’s birthday party that was the cutest party ever. Ash Wednesday mass with Ashley. The beautiful cake Ashley’s mom made for me. Seeing “Blood Brothers” at the Fugard Theatre. Sito helping me from miles away. Talking with John De Gruchy, author of the book we read for class. Going to mass with Desmond Tutu at the cathedral. Walking the labyrinth of St. George’s. Going to Taize prayer. Going to the Kolbe House at UCT. Queen of Tarts with Caryn. Seth and Liz praying over me outside of Stones. Walking and saying the rosary. Confession at St. Mikes. Saying “shame” and “pleasure.” And on and on and on…

SERENITY NOW

I remember saying the Serenity Prayer before every high school cross-country practice:

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can; 


and wisdom to know the difference.



Living one day at a time; 


enjoying one moment at a time; 


accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 


taking, as He did, this sinful world
 as it is, not as I would have it; 


trusting that He will make all things right
 if I surrender to His Will; 


that I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him
 forever in the next. 


Amen.

I realize now, looking back on this prayer, how much this can relate to my life in Cape Town at the moment. 

~God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change~

I sadly have to leave this place I now call my home in a short three weeks. I have fallen in love with this city and the people here. I no longer feel like a tourist. I have a daily routine. I still look at the mountains surrounding me everyday and I cannot believe I am so lucky to be here. I cannot change the fact that I am leaving, though. I hope to take everything I have learned--things about myself, God, friendships, people--and bring that back with me. Although this chapter of my life is coming to a close, I am looking forward to seeing what the next chapter has in store, and how I can integrate my South Africa experience into it. 

~courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference~

It is overwhelming at times to see how many people here are struggling when I am blessed with all of the things I need and more. Even though I cannot help everyone, I can help some. And this is all God is calling us to do. Remember Mother Teresa's quote: “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” I go on daily walks, and often times I will bring with me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (or jam, as they say here) to pass out to people that need it. It makes me feel really connected to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Even though a sandwich is not going to fix the problem, at least for that one moment when I ask the person his or name and hand over a sandwich, he or she can feel the worthiness that is deserved by all of God's children.

~Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;~

I have been trying to live each day to the fullest here, knowing that my days here are numbered. I try to see at least one of my new friends each day because they bring me so much joy. Here are some of the enjoyable moments I have recently experienced: 

I had the last Life Series night last Tuesday. It was a very bittersweet event. I was sad to see Life Series ending, but happy to share that night with people who have become family to me. For anybody needing catching up, Life Series was a 9 week program held at St. Michael's Catholic Church, dealing with topics that every young person faces and is challenged with. The series aimed to enlighten and challenge the young adults while developing a platform for learning, discussion and friendship. The topics were "relationships," "sexuality," "drugs, sex, and clubbing," "life's pressures and stresses," "sacrifices and suffering," "living out your faith (this is when I gave a testimony), and "mystery box." Life Series has really changed my life. I have never been so passionate about an activity before and it has motivated me to find something similar back at school. 

I had breakfast with the lovely Chantal at Starlings, an amazing cafe that you would not know exists because there is not really a sign. These tend to be the best places, though, and this was no exception. Chantal was one of the leaders of Life Series and she has really impacted me in such a great way. She is sweet as a cupcake and very driven in everything she does. 

My twin is safely back home from the Philippines so I have gotten to Skype her, which has been LOVELY. I have also enjoyed the moments I have had with my mom over Skype, when she is able to say just the right thing to make me feel better. I am looking forward to hugging them both really hard. 

I was blessed enough to be able to go on a safari trip with Julia and her family (one of my housemates). It is crazy how God's plan works out. I did not go on my group's safari trip in March, so when this opportunity sprang up, I knew I had to take it. We did some incredible things that are going to stand out in my memory forever. Julia's awesome family welcomed me in like I was one of the cousins. We went to an elephant reserve where we fed the elephants giant vegetables from our palms. Next was bungee jumping at the Bloukrans Bridge, which is the highest commercial natural bungee jump in the world (216 m). I had to go first and it was easily the coolest experience I have ever had. I was surprisingly calm and I really enjoyed the moment. It was a freeing and beautiful experience and I wish I could do it again and again. Next was the lion walk where we got to follow lions around and even stop to pet them. It was NUTS. You are definitely not supposed to pet a lion. Last was the safari, where we drove in an open car and saw all kinds of animals that I have only seen in the zoo—giraffes, rhinos, ostriches and much more. The best were the lions, though; we came within feet of them and I was more nervous than I was bungee jumping, but the driver assured us that they were not hungry. Yikes.

Since Life Series is over, I have started attending Life Teen, which is St. Mike’s youth group that meets Sunday nights after church. I am very grateful for being welcomed into this new community and I am impressed by the joy that the core members have for God and how dedicated they are to showing teens Christ. I love how my friends make it so easy to show my faith because they are so vulnerable and open to God’s love and to spreading it to everyone. They make being faith-filled the norm. When I am with them, I never feel alone.

I have never been one to like math, however my faith is growing exponentially. Before coming here, I grew in my faith by being in community with others. Now, I am growing in my faith in a lot of personal ways. I say the rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet nearly everyday. Whenever I feel sad, confused, hurt, or frustrated, I talk to God. Whenever I feel joyful, excited, or hopeful, I thank God.  I now realize that God is my source of everything, and, as St. Augustine said, my heart is restless until it rests in the Lord. I feel so fulfilled and complete when I keep God at the front. I am blessed with people here who push me to keep God at the center.

I got to go to dinner with Franci and Amy, who I met through Life Series. They are cousins (but they look nothing alike) and they are beautifully different. We went to Gypsy Café, which is right by my house and I had always wanted to try it out. They have food from a different country each month—this time it was Israel. It was amazing. I am grateful for that time with my two new friends.

I went to my first rugby game and I have to admit, I like it a lot better than football. There is a lot more action and it goes a lot quicker. I cheered on the Stormers, which is Cape Town’s professional team. I even got a poster, a flag, and an autograph from one of the players, so I am now an official fan. Oh, and I saw a man with a Cardinal’s jacket on, so I said “hello!” That was pretty exciting.

~accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;~

It is amazing how the hardships I have faced on this journey all make sense now because I know they fit into God’s plan for me. For example, without the loneliness I had at the beginning, then I would not have relied on God so much and I would not have gotten to know His glory as much as I have.

I have been feeling scared for the unknowns of the future, even though I know I am supposed to trust God’s plan. What activities am I going to dedicate my time to? How long will this “God high” last? Will I still keep my faith steadfast in the hard moments? Will I be able to stay in touch with my new friends when I come back home? Will I be able to come back here? How am I supposed to show the glory of God to those who do not believe? “Trust the Lord completely, and don’t depend on your own knowledge. With every step you take, think about what he wants, and he will help you go the right way.” –Proverbs 3:5-6

Another hardship for me has been trying to process that I will be getting hip surgery this summer. I have a labral tear in both of my hips from running (funny how the things we love the most can cause us the most pain). I will be getting one of them fixed on June 26^th, only a short time after I get back from the experience of a lifetime. It is going to be difficult transitioning from always being on the go, to being sedentary.  HOWEVER. I realize that this is totally happening for a reason. I am going to have the opportunity to do things I have never gotten to do. I want to try to read the whole Bible from back to front. I want to take cello lessons. I want to write letters. I want to read books I have always wanted to read. I realize that just like my lifestyle here has been completely different, my lifestyle back at home will be completely different. Change can be good and I think going into this summer with a good attitude will open my eyes to the grace that can be had from this experience.

~taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;~

One of the biggest lessons I have learned from this experience is that we are called to love all of our brothers and sisters in Christ. This does not just mean your family and friends, but also the lady who works at the coffee shop and the homeless man on the sidewalk. Everyone sins, and even though one sin might seem greater than another sin, both are choosing to turn away from God. So we cannot judge others and we have to always be looking to see how we can better those around us. I am not saying I always do this—in fact, it is something I can definitely work on. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.” –Luke 6:37

~trusting that He will make all things right
 if I surrender to His Will;~


I made a friend this week. Her name is Sarah and she is an American study abroad student. She has surrendered to God, too! We met at my favorite coffee shop, Honeybun (all good things start in a coffee shop). She had a “Young Life” sticker on her laptop and so I asked her about it. This is an international organization whose goal is to meet teens where they are and show them Christ. She got me really interested in it and I am looking forward to possibly being involved with it in St. Louis when I go back. The best friendships are those where you can share your faith like because then you can show your whole self. I am excited to grow in friendship with Sarah—she is one of those special people whose small conversations make a large impact.

~that I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.~

This life brings me great joy. But knowing that heaven awaits me where I will meet my Father with open arms gives me even greater joy. “In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?” –John 14:2

Amen.

There is even a Seinfeld episode called "Serenity Now."